


knock on

by drilbur



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Background Huang Ren Jun/Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun, Cheating, Explicit Sexual Content, Infidelity, M/M, Marking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:40:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28944567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drilbur/pseuds/drilbur
Summary: dejun wishes mark would ring the bell sometimes.
Relationships: Mark Lee/Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun
Comments: 4
Kudos: 58





	knock on

**Author's Note:**

> **warning:** this fic heavily talks about cheating by both parties and if that is not your cup of tea, please click off! i hope you have a great day <3 
> 
> for your listening pleasure and inspo for this fic!  
> [1](https://open.spotify.com/track/4rwqrKdwlFWJ6LvPYaOtgn?si=SOAKFGzlQt-KGLQ2yxVDjg) & [2](https://open.spotify.com/track/3udJxehBCZ27wRO9gSum4B?si=MA3gCLNVSW2xu6JJghEguw)

the first knock is silent. people don’t knock on doors anymore, they ring bells. but dejun’s heart ring sirens instead. he knows exactly one person who knocks, he walks quietly towards the front door. his hair is still wet from the steaming shower which he hoped and prayed would somehow erase all his memories like drawings on a shore, swept away eagerly by lapping waves of water. water droplets drip haphazardly onto the floor, his steps calculated and freezing as he thinks of a rational thing to say when he opens the door to his past, his present, his future, his forever.

his lips chap in the sharp coldness, teeth chatter in anticipation. the distance from his room to the front door isn’t much but it sure feels like travelling from vancouver to seoul in a nonstop flight for more than twelve hours, only because he knows his home is on the other end of the door, waiting for him, despite being broken and bruised. dejun wonders how mark knows when renjun is not at home with him, he wonders if mark knows that renjun would willingly commit arson if he saw them together again. maybe he does, and he’s just really stupid. dejun bites his lips as he grips the handle and pulls open the door.

mark looks tattered. he looks like his t-shirt that he loves seeing on dejun, the faded red fabric with a bold graphic print of _'VANCOUVER'_ which was wearing off with every wash. his eyes droop with the lack of sleep, he looks lost, _stranded_ even, but he still manages to cast his gaze on dejun with a simple smirk that has dejun’s breath hitching as always.

“what the fuck are you doing here?” dejun asks in hushed whispers, hand still firm on the door’s edge, waiting for the right moment. dejun would say he’s got a fair amount of good moral sense, responsibility, and even control. he thinks about renjun’s face for a split second, before glancing at mark’s bruised lip and then the hands in his pocket. the snide smile never leaves his mouth, it makes dejun’s insides burn up with a scorching flame.

“you know what i’m doing here. renjun isn’t here, is he?” mark leans over to peek behind dejun’s figure standing at the door and then lets out a faint chuckle. “just saw him with jaemin at coex, thought it’d be a good time.”

“mark.” dejun says, and it comes out like a warning. “i told you i’ll call you, right?”

“then why didn’t you call me? you’re sitting alone at home right now, and i’m not there with you.” mark complains, his words spill over like a toppled water tank, and dejun has no option but to hold onto dear life as mark pushes past dejun once again, stepping into the apartment.

“mark.” he doesn’t respond to dejun, he’s busy taking off his shoes and staring at the layout of the balcony, and heading towards the kitchen island. dejun swallows thickly before calling out his name again, this time more sternly. “bought new vases for the balcony? looks good.” mark says.

it’s so stupid, so _shallow._ he knows the game mark’s playing, _hell_ , he’s the one who taught mark this sickening game and now he’s bested him at it. renjun bought new vases last week to redecorate the balcony because dejun kept complaining that it reminded him too much of mark’s presence. he’s poking at dejun’s weakest points and it hurts to even see him, but dejun knows mark’s weaknesses better than anyone else in the world. it’s a game he taught himself, it’s a game that only he knows how to play. it’s his game, and perhaps, he is the game. dejun waits for mark to shift his attention back to him before he walks himself up to mark and sneaks his arms around his waist and lays his head on mark’s chest, a hug that he needed so badly. the only weakness that mark lee has is xiao dejun, and it was suffocating to be all alone in that list.

“i hate you so much.” dejun says, muffled into mark’s shirt. he can feel mark’s smile boring holes through the top of his head, he brings his arms behind dejun and pulls him closer towards himself. “missed you too, sweetheart.” and he places a small kiss into dejun’s dark, wet, auburn hair. it’s dejun’s home, there’s no place he’d rather be at. he breathes in the musky fragrance from the fabric and aquaints his nose to the light cologne that mark usually wears, and his head quickly clears out.

“renjun will be here soon, though.” dejun says.

“pretty sure he’s going to take another two hours, at least. he looked like he was on a serious case and the traffic was heavy on the way here too. looks like the universe wanted me to be here with you, babe.” dejun sighs loudly into mark’s chest, to which mark pulls away from their embrace and carefully hooks his finger under dejun’s chin and tilts it up, forcing him to look into his eyes. mark’s eyes aren’t guilt-ridden like dejun’s and it surprises him every time.

“i’m here with you. like always.” mark says softly, like a secret only for the two of them to hear and bear witness to. dejun closes his eyes and leans forward, pressing his lips to the corner of mark’s slightly nipped ones and mark doesn’t waste any time at all. the thing is, both of them can never know when exactly it can end — this _relationship_. dejun sure wishes that it’s the last time he’ll have to kiss mark, but all his wishes go drowning in the drains the minute mark’s hand slips beneath his shirt, fingers tracing the warm skin on his back, staking his claim on what’s his. mark swipes a tongue over dejun’s hungry lips, prying them open and giving him a taste of the familiar, sweet temptation. dejun is so desperate, for anything at all — a relief, an antidote, a cure from the madness that mark has instigated upon him, an illness that he can’t quit, a game that he can’t quite win.

mark’s hands burn where they touch, licking up flames at the pit of dejun’s stomach, his thumbs move upwards towards his already hardened nubs, but dejun shies away, melting like butter into mark’s chest. he crumbles when he hears mark chuckle and place his wet lips on the curve of his neck, and have dejun unwrap himself like a pretty present all for him. mark’s cologne invades his nose and dejun throws his head back and lets mark do all the work for him, his hand subconsciously moves to the back of mark’s head, pulling him closer, like a habit. mark scrapes his teeth on a sensitive spot on his neck and dejun whines loudly and bites his lip before he can give mark the satisfaction of knowing dejun so well like the back of his hand.

“no marks, you know it. don’t do something stupid.” dejun warns in between his staccato breaths and mark only hums in approval. mark lightly sucks a patch of his neck to which dejun eagerly reacts. the skin turns a light pink, dejun scowls at mark.

“this is already very stupid, don’t you think?” mark says in defense, laughing to himself. dejun’s eyes scream red, lips pulled into a thin line, unamused.

“you don’t need to say it a hundred times a day. it doesn’t make me feel any better.” dejun bites back, arms now folded.

“i make you feel good. don’t i, baby? who cares about anything else?” mark kisses dejun again, his lips hungry for love, lecherously lapping on the insanity that rests on dejun’s lips. he cages dejun back against the counter, until he grips his thighs and lifts him up to deposit him onto it. dejun whimpers at the manhandling, mark harshly tugs at the hem of dejun’s shirt, begging for him to take it off, so that his hands can roam wild.

“hm, new marks, huh? very cute of renjun, by the way.” mark says with a sick chuckle and dejun groans in response. mark’s fingers trace the dark red bruises on the upper sides of his chest and at the pit of his hips as his eyes thirstily drink him in. “i could do better.” mark comments, clicking his tongue.

“shut the fuck up and be quick.” dejun bites back, hooking one of his legs behind mark and pulling him onto himself.

“eager, aren’t we? do you want me to do all the work for you, princess?” all the venom leaves dejun’s mouth after he hears mark call him that, his eyes soften and his mouth parts futilely in an attempt to keep score with mark. but his head nods silently instead. mark’s cheekbones glint in the low light of the kitchen before he wraps his arms behind dejun and lifts him up easily, as dejun scrambles to hold on to him.

“when the fuck did you get so buff, holy fuck.” dejun huffs, mildly turned on by the show of strength. dejun glances down at mark, a shit-eating grin painted across his lips now before he leans in and kisses him once more before the show starts.

“i’ve been _buff_ for the past two years, but i’m sure renjun wouldn’t have let you miss out on anything.” it’s like mark knows how to hit bullseye on every target labelled _how to get on xiao dejun’s last nerve_. dejun silently warns him with his gaze, and mark looks apologetic for a second before his eyes turn playful again as he walks them both towards the bedroom.

“you know, renjun’s pretty great too. he’s got a great body, a pretty mouth, and he’s a gentleman, unlike you.” dejun rambles, challenging mark in his annoyingly confident facade.

“oh, really? are _you_ being a gentleman right now, baby? all you’re doing is chiding me for being so good to you.” mark says, not backing down. he kicks open the bedroom door, only to be invaded by the stench of renjun’s perfume and he wrinkles his face at that.

“jesus christ, it’s like he knows.” dejun doesn’t really like it when mark is intentionally mean and rude to renjun. at the end of the day, he still loves renjun, and he still is his boyfriend, and he still likes it when renjun leaves marks on him and fucks him till the sun goes down, and mark has no right to berate him at every given opportunity. then again, he’s in no place to complain about mark’s disposition when he is just as fucked up as mark is, both stuck in a quagmire, trapped and sinking.

the guilt only hits dejun in waves on most days. he doesn’t feel it overwhelmingly and his heart argues that it isn’t as bad as his mind makes it out to be, because dejun absolutely loves mark _and_ renjun. asking him to choose between two vital conjunctions was too much of a lost cause. it had been almost a year since mark and him officially broke up for all of his friends to know. everyone knew what happened between them down to a tee and the majority sided with dejun at the time — but no, mark wouldn’t give up on plaguing his mind. renjun had asked him out a month after the big incident and vowed to keep dejun happy and treat him the way he deserved to be treated — which mostly meant, _i won’t treat you the way mark did._

but here he was. another day, another sin, another chance to slip into hell. dejun eyes mark as he unbuckles his belt, fumbling with the loops impatiently. he leans forward grumpily to help mark with it, telling him to at least take off his shirt while he’s at it. mark obeys like a puppy waiting for a treat. once the pants are off, dejun runs his fingers over mark’s throbbing bulge over the fabric before looking up at him innocently.

“someone wise once said, ‘shut the fuck up and be quick.’ if i remember correctly.” mark teases and so dejun grabs hold of mark’s cock in one go, to which mark whimpers pathetically.

“your fucking life is in my hand now. don’t be cocky, play by my rules.” mark giggles like a schoolgirl watching hentai.

“renjun likes this kind of shit? you talking to him like that?”

“he talks to me like this. and i _love_ it.” dejun absolutely loves stroking mark’s mane of ego and then retrieving his hand back in an instant. mark’s eyes darken, as he pushes dejun back onto the bed, crawling up his lithe body.

“we’re both sinners here, darling. don’t forget that.”

dejun’s silence and a hitched breath is enough to have mark smiling with mirth before he tugs at dejun’s waistband of his pants and begs to have it gone. the moment he’s naked, dejun waits for mark to go absolutely insane.

“that’s so many. so many…” mark gasps in wonder as he wordlessly mouths at the tens of little bruises that paint dejun’s inner thighs like constellations in the night sky, little patches of light on his darkened soul. dejun holds his breath as mark runs his tongue over one of them, holding the back of his thighs and ravishing them like a predator with a curious new meal.

“renjun is so fucking annoying.” mark says in between his little kitten licks and dejun chuckles darkly. “getting to paint you before i do? nah.”

“you know you had your chance and you blew it.” dejun wonders if mark has some semblance of conscience left. his eyes no longer reflect the same amount of guilt that dejun used to have when they first started this, all mark had was now consumed by the primitive instinct of just _being_ and having what he can. he’s asked mark about what it feels like to be a homewrecker, to which mark had only chuckled like he had always done, and kissed the tip of dejun’s fingers and intertwining them between his own.

“it isn’t homewrecking if all i’m doing is simply coming home. to you.” he had said, eyes empty, heart buried.

“give my regards to renjun.” mark says before sucking his own mark on dejun’s already broken skin to which dejun’s body convulses in pleasure, white hot anger and lust coursing through his blood. mark nips and licks the bruise enough times for it to bloom a light pink onto his skin, right on top of one of renjun’s.

“you’re fucking insane. fucking ins—” he’s cut off as mark wraps his mouth around dejun’s cock in an attempt to shut him up. it works, clearly. he suckles eagerly at the tip, his cock blushing furiously, leaking pearlescent tears.

“m-mark — oh _god._ fuck—” mark was no renjun at giving head but boy did he know how to slowly drive him up a wall and make him beg for release. every ounce of him was now whimpering as mark licked a fat stripe on the underside of his cock, bending down to lazily suckle at his balls.

“you’re easy to shut up,” mark comments after he gets his mouth off of dejun, wiping the corners of his mouth with the back of his hand.

“you do understand that renjun can get home at literally any time,” dejun’s cock still rests at the mercy of mark’s hand, slowly stroking as dejun runs a hand up his dishevelled hair.

“so what? he can sit right there and watch us if he wants you so bad.”

in theory, his brain fries at the thought of renjun watching them both take their time mapping out each other’s bodies while he sits in the corner and tells them how to use each other. but in all practicality, renjun would leave the home engulfed in fire if he ever got to know mark was touching what’s his. yes, he could argue that a part of him still belongs to mark but renjun would _very_ politely disagree. dejun knows that renjun loves him, and he’s heard him say it many times — while his head laid on dejun’s torso, in the shower, on the phone, in the car on the way to renjun’s parents’ house. but he wonders how his love would be thrown away when he hears that dejun is just a kid with two toys, his two most prized possessions, and he would never have the heart to lose either of them.

“you’d like that, wouldn’t you? getting to have all the fun while being watched?” dejun challenges mark.

“normally, yes. but with renjun? no.” he plainly answers and dejun chuckles before turning face down towards the pillows and lifting his ass up for mark.

“you don’t wanna do the usual?” mark asks, surprised.

“nah, i don’t—i don’t want you to see my face today, if that’s okay.” he hopes to god that mark won’t ask any follow-up questions.

“you want renjun’s cock to feel like this, don’t you?”

“i’m letting you fuck me for free. shut the fuck up and do your job.” dejun scowls weakly, unable to argue. there was some truth in mark’s statement. he sometimes wishes he hadn’t gone down this path at all, having to pretend that it’s all okay and good in front of renjun and also wordlessly listening to mark trash renjun for being dejun’s boyfriend. he wishes he didn’t want to feel mark’s cock in him whenever renjun fucked him on all fours, and he wishes he wasn’t currently thinking about renjun coming home to them like this, in the best position one can find them in, and slamming the door close and never ever returning back.

“yes, princess. anything for you, of course.” dejun whines into the pillow at the nickname before mark walks over to their nightstand and picking out a condom and some lube. he lathers his fingers up before lightly pressing the tip of his fingers into dejun’s puffy hole which slides in easily, and mark doesn’t think it’s because of the lube.

“fingered yourself open for when renjun comes back?” he asks as he pushes his index finger into the tightness, to which dejun’s body pulses eagerly and he frantically nods, pushing back onto mark’s fingers.

“whore.” dejun’s eyes widen and he whines so loudly that mark has to shove a third finger in to shut him up.

“enough! that’s enough. please, just fuck me. i’m ready, please, mark.”

mark is very kind when it comes to these things — making sure that dejun has enough and more love to go around. maybe if mark tried that the first time around, things wouldn’t have to be so tough.

mark wordlessly rips open the condom and slips it on, drizzling some lube onto his cock that’s now flushed red.

“say you love me more and i’ll push in.”

mark is also very petty when it comes to these things — making sure that dejun has enough and more guilt to go around. maybe dejun should’ve said it out loud the first time and everything would have been pristine, and untouched.

“i’ll say it once you’re done fucking me. now push in or i’ll bite off your useless dick.” it’s an empty threat of course, but mark still laughs either way, as if he was challenging him to do it.

“i wouldn’t say it’s useless, darling. after all, it’s the only thing that’s gotten us into such a mess.” and well, mark’s hit bingo with that.

when mark pushes in carefully, his walls pulsate so deliciously that dejun can feel it in the blood rushing to his head. mark holds onto the small of dejun’s back as he pushes himself into dejun, making a strangled noise onee he’s fully bottomed out.

“jesus _christ_ —” dejun moans out, burying his head more into the pillow to hide his yelps. mark starts moving in an aggravatingly slow pace, dragging his cock onto dejun’s walls, tearing him apart from the inside. his thrusts are calculated, sharp, and mark pretends like he’s known dejun better than himself, hitting all the correct spots that make dejun arch in pleasure.

“junnie—” mark calls out in between thrusts, sweat lining up the corners of his forehead. “i can see why renjun doesn’t like to share.” dejun bursts into maniacal laughter at that, mark continues ramming into him, the cacophony of dejun’s laughter, the sound of skin on skin, and the noise of mark’s heart going haywire crackles in the electric air around them. mark grunts quietly as a particular thrust sends dejun off the edge and he’s shuddering till he spurts thin ropes of come all over the sheets.

“just a bit more, angel, i’m almost there.” a few more quick and hard thrusts has dejun panting for breath and mark releasing his load into the condom. they stay frozen in time for a while as mark revels in the moment, hand firm on dejun’s ass and still buried deep inside the love of his life while dejun wonders what this means for renjun and him from now on because he’s sure this time with mark felt _different_. different in a way that his usual orbit has been irretrievably shaken due to an asteroid on a collision course. renjun couldn’t probably stop dejun spinning out of control, out of his axis, and spiralling into madness now.

“mark.” dejun croaks, still recovering from what just happened. mark pulls out slowly and watches dejun’s hole clench around nothing, in fascination.

“are you okay?” he manages to ask, to which dejun nods wordlessly.

a long pause follows. dejun sits up and waits for mark to get a washcloth.

“the afterwards don’t always feel so great, do they?” mark asks, a low chuckle emanating from his mouth. dejun still stays quiet and allows mark to clean him up slowly.

“don’t. don’t try that again with me.” mark looks at him with the same eyes that he had on the day dejun decided to leave him. dejun feels tears prick the corners of his eyes which he swiftly wipes away. he looks back up again and he deludes himself into thinking that he can see guilt in the abyss of mark's eyes.

“y-you should leave, mark.” mark nods silently in agreement. the next few minutes are agonizing, trapped in silence and nothing else, as mark puts his clothes back on and does his best to erase any trace of him being in _dejun’s_ home.

“dejun—” mark starts as he puts on his shoes but dejun’s afraid that he’ll burst into tears again. he wonders how he let mark get off his bridle and run wild and free with everything that dejun has ever had.

“you’re in love with me again, aren’t you?” the words get stuck in mark’s throat.

“there’s no point in lying anymore, mark. the least we can do is be honest with each other if we’re gonna lie to everyone around us. including my own fucking boyfriend.” dejun feels like he’s going insane, he’s got his hands in his hair now, trying to gauge the extent of the situation. mark’s silence only drives him further up the wall.

“your _boyfriend_ practically scooped you up the minute you were available. i think that’s ridiculous.”

“you have absolutely no right to talk about that. like i said, mark lee, you had your fucking chance and you ruined it. don’t you dare try and turn this on renjun.”

mark has his shoelaces tied now. he stares at dejun, bewildered.

“yes. yes, i’m in love with you, jun.”

maybe, mark still lives in a world where people still knock on doors instead of ringing bells. because every knock was now breaking dejun apart brick by brick. he wonders what that universe would’ve been like, where he could have said ‘i’m in love with you and renjun, mark.’ without feeling like it was going incinerate him alive, just mere words that hung around like wisps of smoke in the air, remnants of what once was a relationship.

“i can’t do this anymore, i hope you know that.” dejun says weakly, eyes still wet.

mark clenches his fists together and looks down at the carpet. dejun prays that in another universe, he is already kissing every inch of mark and telling him that he loves him an infinite amount of times.

“it-it isn’t fair to renjun.” mark looks up abruptly, smirking sarcastically.

“we’ve been doing this for six months now, jun. has it ever been fair to him? you tell me. but all i know is that it doesn’t have to be like this and if you can give me another chance—”

“you should leave, mark.” dejun says firmly this time, wiping off his tears. mark gets off the sofa and walks over to where dejun stands and takes hold of his hand.

“i… won’t forget you, thank you for everything.” he says lightly, as he presses his lips to the tips of his fingers. dejun looks away in an instant. he then takes his face in his hands, and forces him to meet his gaze. dejun sees no guilt, he sees no pain, he sees only love. mark then leaves a kiss on his lips, like the perfect climax to a sad fucking story. dejun would be the biggest liar if he said it didn’t feel like losing a rib from his body to watch mark exit the door of his home.

“i love you, jun.”

dejun closes the door on his past, present, and future. he hopes that next time, renjun will ring the bell.

**Author's Note:**

> aye come seek me wer the voices sound
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/emberhit)


End file.
